St. Elizabeth of Portugal - When You Are Praying for Peace in Your Marriage & Family
Feast Day: July 8 in the traditional Roman calendar
What do you do when you love your family—
but you cannot make everyone get along?
What if your marriage is going through a difficult season?
What if someone you love is angry, stubborn, distant, or making choices you cannot control?
What if you are constantly tempted to step in, fix everything, defend yourself, or force a resolution?
Turn to St. Elizabeth of Portugal.
She was a wife.
A mother.
A queen.
A woman who experienced painful family conflict.
And she became known throughout her life as a peacemaker.
Her life teaches us:
You may not be able to control another person's heart—but you can ask God to bring peace into it.
Who Was St. Elizabeth of Portugal?
St. Elizabeth was born in 1271 into the royal family of Aragon and was named after her great-aunt, St. Elizabeth of Hungary.
She eventually married King Denis of Portugal.
From the outside, hers appeared to be a magnificent life.
She was a queen.
But a crown did not protect Elizabeth from suffering.
Her marriage brought serious difficulties, and her family experienced painful conflicts.
Yet Elizabeth became known for her prayer, charity, care for the poor, and extraordinary efforts to reconcile people who were divided.
She did not merely pray for peace.
She practiced it.
A Saint for Difficult Marriages
St. Elizabeth's marriage was not an easy one.
King Denis was repeatedly unfaithful to her and fathered children outside their marriage.
Elizabeth suffered deeply.
Yet she remained devoted to God and sought to respond with remarkable charity.
She even showed kindness toward her husband's children.
This does not mean that serious wrongdoing in marriage should be ignored or that someone experiencing abuse should remain silent or unsafe.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending sin is acceptable.
But Elizabeth demonstrates something powerful:
Another person's sin does not have to determine who you become.
Someone else's behavior does not have to make you bitter.
You can ask God:
“Lord, I cannot control what this person does. But I give Thee permission to change my heart.”
Pray for Your Spouse More Than You Complain About Them
St. Elizabeth gives us a challenging examination of conscience:
Am I praying for my spouse more than I am complaining about my spouse?
It is easy to notice everything another person needs to change.
“He needs to understand.”
“She needs to stop doing that.”
“He should know better.”
“She never listens.”
But before telling everyone else what your spouse did, tell Jesus.
Turn the complaint into intercession.
Instead of:
“He is driving me crazy.”
Pray:
“Jesus, bless him today. Give him wisdom, patience, strength, and holiness—and give me patience too.”
Instead of:
“Why doesn't he understand me?”
Pray:
“Holy Ghost, help us understand one another.”
Instead of:
“He needs to change.”
Pray:
“Jesus, make him holy. And show me what Thou wishest to change in me.”
Sometimes the first miracle in a marriage is not God changing the other person.
Sometimes it is God changing the way we love them.
When You Want to Fix Everything
Peacemakers are not the same as controllers.
That distinction matters.
You can encourage.
You can communicate.
You can apologize.
You can set appropriate boundaries.
You can seek good counsel.
You can pray.
But you cannot control another person's heart.
Eventually you have to say:
“Jesus, this person belongs to Thee more than to me.”
That is especially difficult when you love someone deeply.
But surrendering someone to God is not abandoning them.
It may be one of the greatest acts of love you can make.
When Your Family Is Divided
St. Elizabeth's peacemaking extended beyond her marriage.
Her family became caught in serious political conflicts, including conflict involving her husband and their son.
Tradition remembers Elizabeth courageously intervening as a mediator to prevent bloodshed.
Imagine being caught between people you love.
Both sides angry.
Both convinced they are right.
Both wanting you to understand their position.
Elizabeth sought reconciliation.
That makes her a beautiful intercessor when:
Spouses are fighting
Parents and children are divided
Siblings no longer speak
In-laws are causing tension
Someone refuses to forgive
A family member has left the Faith
Old resentments keep returning
A misunderstanding has grown larger
You are caught between two people you love
Your home desperately needs peace
Ask her:
“St. Elizabeth, help us stop fighting and begin listening.”
The Miracle of the Roses
One of the best-loved traditions about St. Elizabeth concerns her charity toward the poor.
According to the traditional story, Elizabeth was secretly carrying bread to give to those in need when she was questioned about what she was carrying.
When her cloak was opened, roses appeared instead of bread.
Similar rose miracles are associated with other medieval royal saints, so the story is best received as part of the devotional tradition surrounding St. Elizabeth rather than treated as the central historical proof of her sanctity.
The deeper lesson is unmistakable:
Elizabeth's hands were constantly open to the poor.
Her Christianity was not confined to words.
She prayed—
and then she loved.
Are You Trying to Win—or Make Peace?
This is a difficult question.
In an argument, sometimes we want the other person to understand that we were right.
We replay what happened.
We prepare the perfect response.
We explain ourselves again.
We collect evidence.
We want vindication.
But before speaking, ask:
“Will what I am about to say bring us closer to peace—or do I simply want to win?”
Peace does not mean avoiding necessary conversations.
Sometimes truth must be spoken clearly.
But truth can be spoken without cruelty.
Ask St. Elizabeth:
“Help me know when to speak, how to speak, and when to remain silent.”
Pray Before You Send the Text
This is one of the simplest ways to practice St. Elizabeth's spirituality.
Before sending the angry text—
pray one Hail Mary.
Before correcting your spouse—
ask the Holy Ghost for wisdom.
Before telling someone else about the argument—
tell Jesus first.
Before assuming the worst—
pray for the person.
Before going to bed angry—
ask St. Joseph to protect your home.
That tiny pause can prevent an enormous amount of damage.
A Prayer to St. Elizabeth for Your Marriage
O glorious St. Elizabeth of Portugal,
faithful wife, mother, queen, and peacemaker,
thou knewest both the joys and sufferings of family life.
I ask thy intercession today for my marriage and family.
Especially for:
[Mention your intention.]
Pray for my spouse.
Protect him.
Strengthen him.
Draw him closer to Jesus.
Give him wisdom in his decisions,
courage in his difficulties,
purity in temptation,
peace in his worries,
and perseverance in his responsibilities.
And St. Elizabeth—
pray for me too.
When I am impatient, make me gentle.
When I want to complain, remind me to pray.
When I want to control, teach me surrender.
When I need to speak, help me speak with charity.
When I should remain silent, give me restraint.
When I have been wrong, give me humility to apologize.
When I have been hurt, help me forgive.
When something truly needs to be addressed, give me courage and wisdom.
May our home become a place of peace.
May our marriage draw us closer to God.
And may every difficulty we encounter become an opportunity to grow in charity and holiness.
St. Elizabeth of Portugal, pray for us.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, bless our family.
Amen.
Pray for His Soul, Not Just His Behavior
When praying for someone you love, it is easy to focus entirely on whatever is bothering you today.
Instead, pray bigger.
Do not pray only:
“Jesus, make him communicate better.”
Pray:
“Jesus, make him a saint.”
Pray for his soul.
His work.
His decisions.
His temptations.
His friendships.
His health.
His relationship with God.
His courage.
His future.
His responsibilities.
His protection.
His vocation.
His final perseverance.
When you begin praying for someone's eternity, today's irritation starts looking different.
Offer Your Work for Your Family
You can pray for your marriage without adding another complicated devotion to your day.
Offer what you are already doing.
While making dinner:
“Jesus, I offer this for peace in our home.”
While doing laundry:
“Jesus, bless the person whose clothes I am folding.”
During a difficult workday:
“Jesus, I offer this hour for my family.”
While driving:
Pray one decade of the Rosary for your spouse.
When you are irritated:
“Jesus, I offer Thee this little sacrifice for him.”
Before bed:
“Sacred Heart of Jesus, protect our family tonight.”
Ordinary married life can become a continuous prayer.
You Cannot Make Someone Change
This may be one of the hardest lessons in family life.
You can pray.
You can love.
You can encourage.
You can communicate.
You can set appropriate boundaries.
You can apologize for your own faults.
You can seek help when necessary.
But ultimately:
you cannot force another person to change.
That belongs to God and to the person's own free response to grace.
So instead of carrying someone around mentally all day, place them before Jesus.
“Sacred Heart of Jesus, I give this person to Thee.”
And when you begin worrying again:
“Jesus, I already gave him to Thee.”
Become the Peace You Are Asking God to Send
Perhaps you have been praying:
“God, bring peace into my family.”
Today ask another question:
“Jesus, how can I become an instrument of that peace?”
Maybe it means apologizing first.
Maybe listening without interrupting.
Maybe refusing to gossip.
Maybe forgiving something old.
Maybe speaking honestly.
Maybe establishing a necessary boundary.
Maybe putting your phone away and paying attention.
Maybe not responding immediately when angry.
Maybe praying instead of complaining.
Maybe simply giving someone a hug.
Peace often begins with very small choices.
Visit Our Parish Bookstore
Visit our parish bookstore for books and devotional materials on Catholic marriage, family life, the saints, prayer, the Holy Family, and the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
Consider choosing one prayer for your spouse and praying it every day.
You do not need twenty prayers.
You need faithfulness.
Let God Bring Peace
Maybe your family situation is complicated.
Maybe your marriage is in a difficult season.
Maybe two people you love are divided.
Maybe someone needs to change.
Maybe you need to change.
Give the entire situation to God.
Then ask St. Elizabeth:
“Help me become a peacemaker without trying to become everyone's savior.”
Jesus is the Savior.
You are called to love.
Pray.
Speak when necessary.
Forgive.
Seek appropriate help when needed.
Do the part God gives you.
And surrender the hearts you cannot control.
Because sometimes the most powerful prayer for someone we love is simply:
“Jesus, I cannot change this person. But Thou canst give grace where I cannot reach. I place this soul in Thy hands.”
St. Elizabeth of Portugal, patroness of peace and reconciliation, pray for our marriages and families.
St. Elizabeth of Portugal, pray for us!
